"You are justified in looking into the future with true assurance"

Who knew that months had wings?

I once heard an adage that writing from pain is easier than writing from joy...I can see the truth in that and the last few months have been a living testament to it. We have been living and, because of that, have not checked in here recently to share that joy.

That living has included so many, many things;

My first Thanksgiving with Meg's family in Louisville where were "officially" allowed to sleep in the same bed!

Meg's second trip to Merry Fishmas were we found ourselves surrounded by our friends at a new location, Yokohama, where the waitress did Sake bombs and said "ho, ho, ho" a lot!:

A whirlwind trip to New York City and Philadelphia to meet Meg's dad, Kim, and his gf, Rosanne, for the first time as we celebrated Christmas, saw Gypsy with Patti LuPone, and where every meal included drinks, appetizers, entrees, and dessert (and I mean EVERY meal):

Our first official New Year's celebration together where we watched the clock turn tucked into each other's arms (and where I didn't stupidly leave before that could happen):

Where we celebrated our first big milestone as we watched our six-monthiversary pass as merely a flash on the journey to forever while we spun, spun, spun our way around the city:

As we formed a weekly tradition found ourselves constantly in touch with true friends and queso-fueled laughter...interrupted occassionally by some seafood splurges!

And where, in the midst of travels and friends and all the craziness of life, we decided to throw our hats into the ring of cohabitation and see where it goes from here...

I know that that path is the right one for me and I want only to know that it's the right one for Meg...We both understand that no matter where we are or how often we check in to share our joys, we're out there living and soaking up all the experiences we can...and taking the time to pause and enjoy the fact that sometimes those things aren't about what we do, but that we're together when we do them:

"I will be so mad at you if you gave me syphilis!"

The thing with blogging is it's easy to let a few days pass and wait until you're feeling particularly inspired to lay down some pretty words about gooey things. Which is awesome, because I have those moments a lot more frequently than I do post but the pattern I'm establishing is to only writing smushy stuff. Meg and I are a lot more than smushy...sometimes we're schmoopy, shiny, and silly.

For the last few days, my girl has had herpes...or possibly just some acne breakout on her lip which I affectionally and fearfully refer to as 'the herp' while running away refusing to kiss her. Last night, we went over to my mom's for dinner and Meg got to hear stories of my teenage angst and door-slamming puberty. Next week, I get to meet the majority of Meg's extended family at Thanksgiving dinner where I hope to impress her mom with my ability and desire to contribute to the meal...unlike Meg who has for years relied on dish duty to earn her a spot at the table. Tuesday night, we hauled a treadmill into the house hoping this would inspire us to keep (or get) moving as winter sets in and more of our social events revolve around dinners out. Last week, Meg took a huge step by inviting my kitty, Stuart Little, to live with her...granted, he's moved in before me but I'll assuage my jealousy by looking at his cute face:

The point of all this is that we're normal with normal jobs and normal concerns....that's not to say that I've set us up as extraordinary, but the last few blogs have been so love-gross that I wanted to put some memories down about the normal stuff. The regular day, though, is interrupted by the little moments of goo that take my breath away while the next instant is some mix of giggling and teasing. This is the truth that I love about our life together; busting out laughing as Meg heads into the shower with toothbrush in hand, hearing 'this is my favorite spot' as she curls into my shoulder to cuddle, eating a cold English muffin when she 'forgets' to toast it first, and showing my friends how beautiful she is when she does this:

This is why I love my life. Happy sexiversary and KSG'iversary, love.

"I hope I bought your cell phone the right kind of ring."

My girlfriend keeps having dreams that I propose and slip an ugly, gaudy ring onto her finger. Thing is, I ain't proposing. Yet. The frequency of these dreams is enough to, if I were a boy, make my man parts shrink up inside me and flee in terror. But, since I'm a lesbian, I just smile and make promises not to eff it up when it does happen. Her nightmares include large colored gemstones set into gold, but this whole time I was thinking I'd go with a huge pearl or some quartz, maybe. Eh, I'll decide at some point; I figure if I could string her along with KSG (kinda-sorta girlfriend) status for almost 7 months then I have plenty of time to get down on my knee.

I haven't played the marriage planning thing very much in the past; I was never that little girl who dreamt of her dream wedding and giddily picked out colors with her best friends. Between basketball and cartoons, I was far too busy for all that. But, somehow, as my personal tastes have evolved I know some of the definites already and as Meg and I have giddy conversations about it, I know we're on the same page.

But, until then, our cell phones are the only things that are married in our lives so far. Yesterday, we combined plans and, for my sweet gf, this was a huge step in our relationship. Granted, I took on all the burden and took her plan into mine so it's my neck on the line, but it's still a positive step to tricking Meg into letting me move in and paying off all my bills. ;) I hate that she's been burned in the past by this sort of thing so she's a little wary, but I think each day she sees that I'm not going anywhere and we're doing great.

In other news, and probably a bit more important than all this, is that we just celebrated the election of Barack Obama. My gf and I have been working with the campaign for the last couple months and worked the polls from morning to night together and it was beyond words how wonderful it was to see everything come together on Tuesday night. It's one of those moments in history that you'll always remember where you were and I'm ecstatic that I saw it all happen curled up with Meg in our pjs and in each other's arms. It was one of the most beautiful moments in both our national and my personal history. Thank you, sweet girl, for your hard work and dedication to hope and optimism and for dragging me out to see how each person can impact the whole. We got to see the nation and our state, which hadn't gone blue since 1964, turn into a rainbow of new promise and dedication. And we got to see it together.

"Truly breathtaking."

Got an unintentional reminder today from a friend. She quoted me when I told her sometime in the spring "don't think, just love". Simple words that I've learned to accept the hard way over the years because my brain is often my most exciteable organ (take that how you will). Hearing it again after so many months and after so much has changed made me realize, again, how lucky I am to have Meg in my life.

It's been nearly seven months since my world collapsed in on itself and I sit now counting the blessings of my last couple months knowing well that I didn't think this was possible. I thought there was no recourse for the way my life had gone; I felt wholly alien to myself and one of the deepest senses of shame I have ever experienced. And now, today, I am at work so full and content knowing I am going home to Meg and she will greet me warmly, without pretense and with the most genuine affection you could ever see.

And I know what tomorrow will bring, and this weekend, and in the plans we're making weeks and weeks from now. And I trust that those plans will happen...I trust that nothing will upset this balance and stability that we're enjoying. I know that I will still be in love with her and she will still be in love with me. That's a trust and a truth that I've lacked in a life where I wasn't sure what would greet me on the other side of the door sometimes...and I found myself living that all over again as an adult and feeling the familiarity of chaos and being drawn to the ups and downs as a way to prove myself to someone. But I don't have to prove myself to Meg. She loves me steadily and with no expectation but to return that fidelity, affection and love to her. That's it. Come home, love the way she looks and laughs, dive in to her day and her life with her, and know that I get a chance to do that all over again the next day.

There is a lump in my throat as I type this knowing the beauty of that and, at the same time, questioning how worthy I am of it. I think that's an insecurity we all have when we find something so perfect; sometimes that insecurity leads people to upset that balance purposely so as to avoid the shock of it happening to them. I've done that. I've looked straight into calm eyes and imagined a storm. But I am her raincoat and she is mine. And I know that tomorrow I get to say that again, commit myself again under a new sun, and feel the same from her in a morning's embrace and the first sleepy hello of the day.

"We don't need sleep, baby, we have each other!"

I was inspired recently by this site http://www.onesentence.org/ and thought what a perfect way it'd be to get some of Meg and I's best memories down for posterity.

One sentence stories or flash fiction are near and dear to my heart, both literally and figuratively. In December 2007, I had Ernest Hemingway's shortest story tattooed on my chest. (Yes, I know there is controversy surrounding the attribution to Hemingway and the story behind its creation.)

So, the challenge to write one-sentence synopses of our relationship is just too good to refuse. Here ya go, baby!
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I've found the key to my girlfriend's heart is a good meal and a bottle of wine and, as it turns out, she has the same lock on her panties.

I had to wonder what Meg had been telling her when her mom commented astonishedly "well, Nicole is nice".

My cheeks blushed and I sank a little lower in my seat when Meg flippantly commented 'nice tie' totally unaware that her cheeks were aflame for an entirely different reason.

Pinned to the floor and laughing, Meg suddenly recalled the answer to my question.

I felt a personal loss when I learned I could never meet the woman who had so shaped my girlfriend's life, but I know that through Meg I know Gayle firsthand.

Pete and Repeat sat on a fence, Pete fell off, who's left, repeat is all I hear sometimes when my girlfriend is telling a story.

I knew when we climbed the monument stairs that I would tell you I loved you and I know we were both floating all the way back down, and ever since.

Thrown to the wolves, Meg put on a red sweater and a smile and won over every friend I have in one night.

As I stood salvaging what I could of the burnt bacon, I knew that I had signed up for a lifetime in the kitchen.

I think my girlfriend would agree that the best advice she's ever been given is to "pay attention to that".

I could only laugh and shake my head as Heather surveyed my bruises and exclaimed 'damn, I didn't know Meg had it in her!".

Our first kissed tasted like tears but I was already thinking about calling her the next day.

Who knew you could fall more deeply in love listening to your girlfriend proudly match NFL cities and mascots?

Work, Lily, chores, friends, family, bills, volunteering, eating, sleeping, exercising; all things that interfere with cuddle time.

We hit a new stage in our relationship when I propped my leg up on the bathroom sink in front of her for the first time.

It didn't cost me much, but that Facebook ring was the best investment of my life.

When I heard "I was left for a punctuation mark", I saw with absolute clarity Meg's history as a fag hag.

I'm just glad I don't have to give her $5 every time I feel I'm home.

There was something about the way the lights in the lot shined on Meg's wild eyes that would have made even Bob Evans' biscuits rise.

It made no sense for me not to drive Heather home that night, but we both knew what was coming before the elevator doors even opened.

Surrounded by fireworks, patriotic music and the scatterings of a picnic, I couldn't help but reach out to touch her hand.

She warned me that her stepfather wouldn't talk much an hour before I sat listening to a story about his childhood and as she realized, yet again, that she had underestimated my charm.

I never want to go 24 hours without talking to her ever again.

You realize quickly how weird your life is while sitting at your ex-girlfriend's parents house with her boyfriend and your new girlfriend eating cinnamon rolls.

Begging for it, I nearly came when she told me she'd turn me over when she was ready.

My best friend cut right to the chase when she told me to 'get my head out of my ass and date Meg, you dumb fuck".

I worry about our ability to retire based on our total investment in washrags.

Pulling up your pants in a cop's spotlight is not a good way to impress a girl, but neither is not telling anyone a cop was coming.

The drive flew by as I sat contentedly listening to the I <3 NC playlist on her iPod.

The most romantic text I've received told me she loved me more than "any other motherfucker out there".
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Ok, that was fun. Meg may or not be inspired to add some...I hope she does.

"I'll live inside this blissful snowglobe if that's what you need."

You know those things that won't stop haunting you? Silly ideas that threaten the stability of any relationship, much less a fledgling one that took a while to get off the ground. I got a few this week and, it turns out, Meg does too. We've had a few frank and emotional conversations fueled by my menstral cycle and Meg's obsessive need for restaurant queso. The conclusion? We're going to be together a damned long time...

I have never met or dated someone that can make me laugh with my brow still furrowed. She makes me feel justifiably ridiculous when I'm spouting off things even I don't believe, but she does it with the most amiable and loving smile I've ever seen. Meg has no control over her eyeballs most times...the blue spilling over to make me calmer. Thank god because I'm still acclamating myself to this life again. I love each step into deeper water with her and, oddly, I'm not scared when the water gets just a bit murky because I know, like her eyes, it will be clear and blue and beautiful if we just hold still and get our footing back.

I fear this may read as a hiccup...that couldn't be further from the truth as I feel nothing but surity and I think that confidence is infecting my girlfriend. In that fever, she's slipping up and whispering sweet nothings in my ear. If we keep accidently tipping our hands to the other, I think we might have some of that gross, giddy love on our hands. I'd better be more careful.

"Being here this weekend reminds me-once again-how much I appreciate you and the time we spend together."

I miss my girlfriend. I left exactly one week ago for a trip to Destin, Florida with two of my best friends and I have another 48 hours before I see her face again. That's 9 days, folks. Nine days with no kisses, no cuddles, no nookie, no meals together, no face-to-face laughter, no unprompted smiles, no spooning (granted, this is but a sub-category of cuddling but that does not diminish its importance and the subsequent necessity to name it separately), no pouty faces, no watching the clock at work counting down the minutes until I get to see her face (I am doing this, but while sitting on the beach watching gorgeous sunsets!)...

I'm sure you're saying to yourself 'it's nine days and you're in paradise with two of your favorite people in the world, get a grip', but if you can recall any point where you've seen something indescribable and attempted to describe it or experienced something incomparable but wanted only to share it then you'll understand how I feel. I want Meg next to me as I have seen jellyfish for the first time outside of an aquarium, have lost time floating lazily in the ocean only to look up and find myself alarmingly far from shore, or, like tonight, stepped onto a sailboat and watched seven dolphins crest off the front bow as the sun fires red and disappears.

I miss that girl, my girl. I'm nostalgic for the memories we have yet to create. I'm anxious to see the scrapbooks that have yet to be scrapped. You know you got something special when with every glisten on the waves and every happening upon mating wildlife, you think of your girlfriend. ;)

I'm thinking of you, Meggles. And I so very much appreciate the time we have and will spend together.